Feeling like I'm not worth it is a gut-wrenching feeling. Inadequate for a job, inadequate for a relationship, inadequate for deep friendships. But you know what the causes these feelings? These thoughts of "You don't deserve that, stop trying"?
I do.
It's all in my head. How I'm not worth someone's time, how I'm not good enough to reach a certain goal. Even things as petty as feeling like I don't LOOK good enough to accomplish something. But an incredible guy was helping me through a hard time, and said something that will never leave my memory… not even if there's a FIRE. (Sorry, had to throw a Step Brother's reference in there) He told me this:
"Sarah, God wants to make you into the most beautiful woman ever. Let Him."
I allowed the voices of my worthlessness to be louder than the voices of the One who gave me life. The One who was begging me to believe that I was beautiful, that I was created with a plan in mind. The One that created me to be passionate, to be loving, to be stubborn, to be silly, to be gullible, to be un-coordinated, to be ALIVE.
God makes beautiful things. He makes no mistakes. How many times have you read in scripture God creating something, and then saying, "Well. I didn't mean for THAT to happen…", afterwards? That's right, just about NEVER.
Here's the twist though: He created me knowing that I would fall short on a regular basis. Knowing that I would blatantly ignore him so I could invest the time HE gave me into things that disappoint me. Things that NEVER fully satisfy. And then He watches me sit there and wonder why I'm hurt, why things never work out for me. It's a process that is sadly repeated. But God- who has the option of killing me off at this point- waits. And waits, and waits. Until I have moments like this, where I come back. And I praise Him for being who He is, and who He made me.
Because I am worth it.
Human beings can no longer tell me what I'm worth, what you're worth. I find my worth in the Creator of the endless amount of universe, the Creator of every star in the sky, the Creator of every freaking tree and plant and animal- because He thinks we're more beautiful than any of those things.
No matter how much I hurt, or how worthless I feel... I will go to God and know that I am beautiful.
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I made myself a quote for situations like these. I don't know who will even read this, but I hope that someone will read it and will be filled with hope from our loving Father that strives for their love.
"Every passing day is one day closer to the moment where we hurt no longer, cry no more, and we break the chains that bind us from loving our Father with no limits or restrictions."
I pray God blesses you, and that you realize daily that you are beautiful.
