Procrastination at its finest.

SPRING SING IS HERE! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

That's really all I have to say. Because that's all my life consists of as of this week. And when I get to next week...I really won't know what to do with myself. Maybe I can actually study... what a strange concept.

I saw Robster do his Spring Sing show tonight. His face...oh man. It's going to be hard to top that...but it's my goal. I WILL beat his Spring Sing face.

Today I ironed an orange jumpsuit. I can honestly say I never imagined the day I would be ironing a jumpsuit...but now if ironing a jumpsuit ever comes up in conversation, I will be able to participate.

This weekend, I woke up to find that my pillow pet was on the other side of the room. Adam's theory? A demon came into my room and moved it there...like in Paranormal Activity. Guess who got to stay up till 5 in the morning on demon duty over skype? That's right. Payback, Adam...payback.

I learned to never shop when you're hungry. I went to Walmart today to get face wash, and left with cheetos, easter cake things, swiss rolls, pizza rolls, and cheese. This will probably make it to the list of my unintelligent decisions, right next to sitting on my hair straightener and pissing off black women on the highway.

These are all really random thoughts that I'm trying to make important so it goes higher on my priority list than studying for my psychology test, but it's not working. It's just so hard to get going when you're this tired...

...that's what she said.

The best interruption I've ever had.

As of this moment, my hair is halfway straightened. Like...really. There half a curly bun on top of my head, with half of my hair down and straight. I look ridiculous. And you just might question the reason that I stopped straightening my hair to post a new blog... but fear not my dear children, for I will tell you.

People that have never experienced God talking to them will question how it happens, and how you know. Looking at it from their side, it is a completely ridiculous concept. Believing in a higher power that talks to you, and tells you what to do and whatnot..it sounds like a bunch of shennanigans. I have an agnostic friend that used to remind me of how crazy it sounds too. But what I always explained to her (pray for her by the way guys, I want her to experience a God moment) was that it's not so much actual words. It's not a deep voice out of nowhere that gives commands, it's just an intense feeling. An intense calling. And through this intense calling, you just know what God wants you to know. And while I let my third layer of hair down to straighten, God started speaking to me. I don't think these words on this blog could express how absolutely powerful this was. So I stared at myself in the mirror, turned the song from "Drop it Low" to "Nothing Without You" and I fell to the ground on my knees. And I praised God. Not just like OC chapel praised, I PRAISED Him. With my entire heart, my entire soul. I felt like my physical body was kneeling, but my soul wasn't inside it....such a weird, yet indescribable feeling.

I feel like through all of this, God was telling me to stop worshiping myself. I figured that coming to a christian school, I would get closer to God because God would be all over this campus. Christian professors, christian advisors, chapel everyday, and a university of people with with the same belief that there is a God who sacrificed His son so that we can experience TRUE and eternal life. And I got that. But being a Christian here became more of a schedule than a relationship with God for me. I've become so used to just going with the motions. And the most sickening part to this, is that they were all meaningless motions. My life has been about me, my friends, my social life, my school (notice how I put those in order....that's no coincidence). I have NOT made room for the God who created the stars, for the God who saved my soul, for the God whose love is constant, and NEVER fails. So I guess God gave me the choice today...the choice to keep straightening my hair, or to interrupt something in my schedule to just listen and praise Him.

I have about an hour to finish straightening my nappy mass of hair before the Winter Jam concert. But I think I can make myself a little late.... because I have a date with my Savior.

My arms are perfect.

I'm sure everyone has been through this situation before: You're watching tv, and you want to change the channel. So you reach for the remote, but it's literally an inch from your fingertips. You are trying with every fiber of your being to stretch those fingertips a little further, maneuver your arms so that maybe- just maybe- it will give you that extra inch you need. But there is nothing else you could possibly do to reach it. And you sit there and think "If only my arms were just a little bit longer". 

I guess it's safe to say I am in that situation. I mean not with an actual remote, (Julianne and I can't figure out how to program a remote anyways) but a real life situation. I know what I want, but I can't reach it. I sit here and try an thing of ways to get my goal quicker, try and maneuver myself to where I can finally reach it, but nothing I do works. It is the most frustrating feeling I've experienced in awhile. It's like I'm stuck, and I want to run, but my feet won't carry me. My remote is so close, but my arms aren't long enough. I feel as if I'll never actually reach it.

But maybe I'm not supposed to be able to reach the remote. Maybe God designed my arms to be the perfect length so that I actually couldn't reach the remote, so that I'd have to find another way to change the channel. It could be, I'll just have to get up and change the channel myself.

God has a funny way of presenting situations to me. But I find comfort in knowing that He WILL find a way to make me realize what I need to do. But for now, I think I need to stop wishing I had longer arms.

~ ~ ~

Ecclesiastes 3:1-15 (The Message)

 ¹ There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

 ^2-8 A right time for birth and another for death,
   A right time to plant and another to reap,
   A right time to kill and another to heal,
   A right time to destroy and another to construct,
   A right time to cry and another to laugh,
   A right time to lament and another to cheer,
   A right time to make love and another to abstain,
   A right time to embrace and another to part,
   A right time to search and another to count your losses,
   A right time to hold on and another to let go,
   A right time to rip out and another to mend,
   A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
   A right time to love and another to hate,
   A right time to wage war and another to make peace. ^9-13 But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I've had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he's left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he's coming or going. I've decided that there's nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That's it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It's God's gift.
 ¹⁴ I've also concluded that whatever God does, that's the way it's going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God's done it and that's it. That's so we'll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.
 ¹⁵ Whatever was, is.
   Whatever will be, is.
   That's how it always is with God.

Mind of a Child.

I've always loved spring, it's hands down the best season in my opinion. Everything seems new, and so many things are growing and changing. It's also a great season because it's the season that rescues me from the frigid hell we all call winter. But the way things are looking right now, spring will come bearing lots of stress and mid term projects and papers and speeches. On top of that, I have Spring Sing (Side note- I always made fun of people that complained about how hard being in Spring Sing would be. I mean really, it's a musical. You sing and dance for a few hours each night and that's it....I was so wrong. You dance until you feel your limbs detach from your body, all while singing so much you practically pop a lung. Yeah...now go do that research paper due tomorrow. #springsinghell). When I wake up in the morning, I literally feel like at night, several teen girls thought I had plotted Justin Bieber's death, so they beat me with pillowcases full of bricks. I'm constantly dragging myself from place to place, and it all seems like a blur.

Today, I randomly started thinking about what drives me to be happy. What was I missing now that I had when I was stressed in high school? And through this thinking, I realized that I am the happiest person alive when I'm with kids. I took an Early Childhood Development course my junior and senior year, and I could honestly not think of any better way to spend half of my day every day than playing with those kids. When I did my activities I planned for them, I got lost in their world. Some days, I would come into class on the verge of tears from a stressful day, but forget everything I was thinking of when I walked into a room full of these fascinating little human beings. I was able to witness the way they view life.

Then I got to some deeper thinking (which might I add was an incredibly tiring process, considering the fact that I get tired walking from my bed to the sink now). Why can't I be five again? Why can't I find everything absolutely fantastic like the kids I worked with every day? When I was younger, everything was spectacular. The thrill of riding a bike, or helping my mom make dinner. My imagination was outstanding, and you better believe I had an entire posse of imaginary friends (Don't hate). I was excited to learn new things in elementary school, I was excited to be that cool kid that knew how to write in cursive... don't act like you've never been there as a child, cursive was THE cool kid thing to do. All of these things I thought about today made me discover my new goal for myself.

I want to view my life from a child's perspective. I want to rediscover the world. I want to notice the details that kids would, but I would be to busy to notice otherwise. I think that being able to do this will grab my attention off of temporary stresses, and help me focus on some great opportunities for growth. No, I will not throw myself on the floor of Walmart when I don't have the money to get a candy bar, I'm just going to enjoy life's simple, yet fascinating wonders.

To kick off my new goal, I think I will nap like a child. Starting now.

The Boy Rant.

This is primarily therapy for me, the two of you that actually follow my blog don't have to read it. :) Hopefully by the end of this blog, I will feel relieved and I won't think about this topic as much as I have been. *Cross your fingers*

I am SO tired of boys! And I am so tired of being used. I can recognize it, no matter what the said "motives" are of the other party. I know when I'm being used, and I don't like one second of it. Being hurt is inevitable, but I'm tired of it being constant. SO. I'm making a wish list for God. I want to list every quality of a man that I want, and hopefully He will take that and show me the perfect man for me.

-I want a man that will keep me in check. I want him to tell me to calm down when I'm being senseless, I want him to slap me back to reality when I start drifting away from it. I want to constantly build each other up with ourselves and our spiritual walk. I don't want a distraction, I want an accountability partner.

- I want him to be able to have the strength to talk about how smokin' Jessica Biel is, but at the end of the day, I know that he wants me and absolutely no one else. If it were me and him in a room full of gorgeous girls, I want him to be able to point at me and say "Now THAT'S my woman."

-I want him to pull all kinds of crazy pranks on me. I want him to make fun of me. I want to go put put golfing when we're 45 on a date and still act like we are teens. I want a friendship on fire.

- I want a guy that recognizes my needs. I want a guy to know to hug me and play with my hair when I'm crying, and give me big huge hugs when I'm stressed out.

- I don't want a guy that buys me the world. I want a guy that will give me what I need. If I'm super stressed about something going on that day, I want him to leave me a little sticky note saying "Make this day your b****." or something along those lines.

-I want a guy that will use she-said jokes. But not overuse them.

-I want a guy that will share my joy and pain. When I'm pissed that someone hated on Beyonce, I want him to say "Where's a bucket of rocks... people that don't know that Beyonce is the most talented woman on earth should be stoned." Well...not really. But you get the idea.

-Finally, I want a man that makes me a priority, not an option.


Looking over all these points, I realize that I said "I want" a lot. And I also realized that was wrong of me. God will give me what I need, not necessarily what I want. I need prayers...prayers that will help me determine the difference between what I want and need. I just need to talk to God more...


Pray for me,

Sarah

As Told by a Ginger.

Realizing that I haven't blogged in a month or two (or five), I decided to log back on and check out the one blog that I actually wrote. When I read it....I literally laughed out loud. I love being able to look back on things I've freaked out about. I entertain myself, which is why I want to keep up with blogging right now. So now that you have all read my pre-college freak out, I will now show you my post-college excitement. Ready, go.

The very first day I moved into the dorms at Oklahoma Christian, I met my best friend. Which knocked out one of my biggest fears in college, because I was scared I wasn't going to make as great of friends as I had back home (Which, now that I think about it, makes absolutely no sense at all because through being in college I've realized that God blessed me with the ability to be able to make friends with a wall if I wanted to). Julianne Stinson and I immediately became the best of friends. And after Julianne, along came my friends Paige, Averi, Jade, and Megan. And from there, we became an inseparable bond. 

My brother Robbie also goes to OC with me, and I would probably have experienced several terrible situations without him being here. You know how people have those little voices in their head? Like, the ones that tell them  "Don't forget to print out the study guide for your history test" or "Be sure to balance your checkbook so you don't overdraft" ? Since I apparently lack that voice, Robbie has taken over it's position. Granted I've learned to be more independent, but Robbie has given me those extra pushes that I need to get my junk done. I am so glad he is here, and I'm even MORE glad that he rushed the club Kappa Sigma Tau. I love those guys, and I am proud to call myself a Kappa Ho. Well...not really proud about the Ho part, but you get what I'm saying.

Anywho, I'm going to wrap this up because I need to take a break from the OC poster child position (OC poster child position = laying in the grass of the forum on a laptop and texting on an iPhone while being overly joyous...it's all over their brochures and such). If you haven't pulled anything from this blog other than I have lots of free time on my hands, also know that I that I freaked out in August over nothing. College is literally one of the best times of my 19 years of living, and I love waking up in the morning and realizing how infinitely blessed I am to be here. Yay, God.

Peace and Bless-ings, 

Sarah.