Makin' fruit, y'all.

"In the morning, as Jesus was returning to Jerusalem, he was hungry, and he noticed a fig tree besie the road. He went over to see if there were any figs on it, but there were only leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" And immediately, the fig tree withered up." Matthew 21: 18-19

So I'm just sitting here, reading Matthew right... and then all of a sudden I read this scripture. It stopped me from moving on to the next page of my bible. Usually when that happens, God is trying to show me something. So I read it over, and over, and over again. My initial thought was "Why did he kill that fig tree? Was he still mad about the people selling stuff in the temple?" (The passage before this one talked about that time when Jesus cleared out the temple. You know, knocking stuff around, turning tables over like a boss) So I decided to look in the study part of my bible. The guy that wrote the study portion of my bible said that Jesus wasn't doing this as an act of anger. He was doing this to act out a parable.

I stopped reading at that point, because I think God showed me what he wanted me to see. I believe that Christianity in this time has turned into to something along the lines of a fruitless fig tree. Sure, we may look like we hold tightly to our faith from a distance. But what happens when someone comes closer, and starts peeling away at the walls of your heart? Will you actually have fruit to bear?

Here's the deal. You are God's child. And he loves you with a love that human minds can literally not comprehend because it is so intense. (Read Psalm 103...like for real, do it.) But at the same time, what is love without action? What if your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/parent/whoever else told you and everyone else they loved you, but in all reality ignored you? What kind of love is that?

Jesus likes it when his followers are fruity. Yeah, I said it. Because it's truth! The guy KILLED a fig tree because it looked like it was doing its job, but it wasn't. That's like a super watered down version of what will happen to those who look like they're Christians, but bear no fruit.

"Not all people who sound religious are really godly. They may refer to me as 'Lord,' but they still won't enter the Kingdom of Heaven. They decisive issue is whether they obey my father in heaven. On judgement day many will tell me, 'Lord, we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name,' But I will reply 'I never knew you. Go away; the things you did were unauthorized.' " Matthew 7:21-23

Jesus desperately wants you, right where you are at. He wants you, he wants your life. And, if he TRULY has it, your fruit production will be kickin'.


Let's make fruit, people.

Beautiful.

Feeling like I'm not worth it is a gut-wrenching feeling. Inadequate for a job, inadequate for a relationship, inadequate for deep friendships. But you know what the causes these feelings? These thoughts of "You don't deserve that, stop trying"?

I do.

It's all in my head. How I'm not worth someone's time, how I'm not good enough to reach a certain goal. Even things as petty as feeling like I don't LOOK good enough to accomplish something. But an incredible guy was helping me through a hard time, and said something that will never leave my memory… not even if there's a FIRE. (Sorry, had to throw a Step Brother's reference in there) He told me this:

"Sarah, God wants to make you into the most beautiful woman ever. Let Him."

I allowed the voices of my worthlessness to be louder than the voices of the One who gave me life. The One who was begging me to believe that I was beautiful, that I was created with a plan in mind. The One that created me to be passionate, to be loving, to be stubborn, to be silly, to be gullible, to be un-coordinated, to be ALIVE.

God makes beautiful things. He makes no mistakes. How many times have you read in scripture God creating something, and then saying, "Well. I didn't mean for THAT to happen…", afterwards? That's right, just about NEVER.

Here's the twist though: He created me knowing that I would fall short on a regular basis. Knowing that I would blatantly ignore him so I could invest the time HE gave me into things that disappoint me. Things that NEVER fully satisfy. And then He watches me sit there and wonder why I'm hurt, why things never work out for me. It's a process that is sadly repeated. But God- who has the option of killing me off at this point- waits. And waits, and waits. Until I have moments like this, where I come back. And I praise Him for being who He is, and who He made me.

Because I am worth it.

Human beings can no longer tell me what I'm worth, what you're worth. I find my worth in the Creator of the endless amount of universe, the Creator of every star in the sky, the Creator of every freaking tree and plant and animal- because He thinks we're more beautiful than any of those things.


No matter how much I hurt, or how worthless I feel... I will go to God and know that I am beautiful.


~~~~~~~~~~


I made myself a quote for situations like these. I don't know who will even read this, but I hope that someone will read it and will be filled with hope from our loving Father that strives for their love.

"Every passing day is one day closer to the moment where we hurt no longer, cry no more, and we break the chains that bind us from loving our Father with no limits or restrictions."


I pray God blesses you, and that you realize daily that you are beautiful.

Praise mode...initiated.

"Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise his holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me." - Psalm 103: 1-2

I feel like every Jesus-like blog I write about is when I'm having problems. I don't have any problems right now. My life is actually wonderful, and the best it's been in a long time. I'm just in praise mode. So I'm going to praise the Creator of the stars, the skies, and most importantly Beyonce. Just kidding. But really...

I am SO incredibly lucky... especially for my family. My parents and my brothers are phenomenal people. Really. I don't know how I wound up in the crazy family I did, but lately when I think about my family, my love for them almost brings me to tears. Seriously! (If you would have told me I would be like this when I was 16, me and my teenage angst wouldn't believe you). It's almost abnormal...how close ALL of us are to each other. Each and every one of us. I can only pray that God blesses me with a husband and kids that can have the same close relationships that I have with my family.

I'm thankful for being healthy. Sometimes I catch myself complaining about REALLY little things about my physical appearance. And the more I complain, the more those little things turn into bigger things. But Proverbs 31:30 tells me that none of it matters. All that matters is that I fear God. And boy, do I fear Him. I am healthy, I have all my limbs, and to me, that qualifies as being lucky.

I LOVE my summer jobs. I am so lucky to watch two incredibly well behaved boys that are in such a great family. Also, the snow cone stand is such a great cash job to have...AND I get snow cones whenever I want! I have a hilarious and God-fearing boss there. I'm lucky for the income I have, because it all just works out wonderfully in my budget.

One of the things that I am SO blessed by, way more than I thought I would be, is Oklahoma Christian University. God definitely put me where I belong. Being at OC allowed me to meet a few of the greatest people in my life. Coming from a public high school to OC was probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have grown so much since I started living in Edmond, and I know that growth will only continue. I'm excited to see what God has in store for my future there.

There are many things I could go on and on about, but God knows them, and my fingers are tired. So I'm going to bed.

Praise God I have a bed.

The ramblings of a Jesus Freak.

Today was absolutely crazy.

In church this morning, our preacher gave an overview of the lesson for that morning. It was on life, and how fleeting it is. So I did my little Sunday ritual and prayed about where and when God wanted me to go to Africa (because it's on my mind just as much as snorting crack is on Charlie Sheen's mind). And then the most powerful thought came immediately after my prayer- Quit school. My immediate reaction? Why in the junk would I ever do that. I mean really... my parents would kill me, I won't have money to finish my degree when/if I came back to America, there were just so many reasons why I couldn't pull that off. Then those thoughts came to a screeching halt when I felt four simple words that impacted me more than any of you reading this can understand... "This life isn't yours".

This life ISN'T mine.

Yes I have control of my actions. Yes I can decide what I want to do today, this week, this month, this year... so someone might tell me that this technically IS my life. And that's right. But I want, more than anything on earth, to live and breathe God. HE made me perfectly and wonderfully, with every curl and freckle and freakishly long finger/toe. I am obviously here for a reason. Otherwise, I simply wouldn't be here. So, with that being said, how can I call this life mine? Why would I let the maker of EV-ER-Y-THING else create MY body, personality, passion, and talent... and not give Him the credit? It's simple really... God made me, so I'm His.

I'm not going to turn away from what God is calling me to do. Psalm 139: 7 says "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?" Call me weird, but when I read this, I think of the bed intruder song. You know...when he said "We gon' fiiiiind you, we gon' fiiiiiiiind you". (Now every time you read this verse, you'll think of Antoine Dodson. SUCKAS.). But seriously... running from God's plan for the life He gave me would be incredibly unintelligent. So I'm just going to get over every fear, every selfish ambition, every person holding me back. Because again, this life isn't my life.

Besides... God must think I'm pretty special if He trusted me with the abilities and the passion for Africa. I consider it a huge compliment. So....you can run n' tell that, homeboy. (MORE ANTOINE DODSON!!)

Well that was my huge wake up call today. Other than my shift from snow cone hell, spending more than I should at Target, and being an emotional wreck...my day was fantastic. I have the most amazing family on planet earth, and the best friends I could ask for. Yada yada yada... bottom line is that I'm blessed. And praise Jesus for that.

Peace and Bless-ings.

Bow chicka wow wow.

Mike Posner has quite a way with words... I mean really, "Once I set the mood right, I can make it sound like *guitar solo*". What does that even mean?

Anyways. I decided I'm going to make a summer to-do list. Here are a few things...

1) Learn the double dream hands dance.
2) Try every snow cone flavor at my stand.
3) Fully potty train the 2 year old that I will be watching.
4) Work with the 4 year old I watch every other day on things to prep him for pre-k.
5) Save money for Africa.
6) Learn 3 songs on the piano (Including the song "I see the light" on the Tangled soundtrack...judge me.)
7) Learn how to make a foreign desert.
8) Stand in line for Beyonce's new album coming out in the NEXT FEW MONTHS.

I may be forgetting a few things, BUT that's what I could think of off the top of my head.

I think my dog is eating something in my room, so I'm going to have to cut this blog short. It's better for me to get what she's eating now than later on......if you catch my drift.

Peace and Bless-ings.

Catching up (I haven't shaved my legs)

I'm going to wipe the dust off this blog and start fresh. I've neglected blogging due to finals week... along with sleeping, eating properly, and shaving my legs. So now that summer is here (PTL) I can start blogging again. And I know all of you have been dying to hear what I've been thinking (Extreme use of sarcasm, in case you couldn't catch that), so here we go.

Summer summer summer. I need you so much. I've had a great start to the summer too! I got a 2001 civic. It...can use some work (coughcoughTHECOLORSUCKScoughcough). But I've decided that there's no way I could drive a nice car. Not because I couldn't, it's because I wouldn't want to. For example, this car is the first car I've had with automatic windows. I've had 3 cars before this one. And I got in this car and messed with the windows for a good minute, just because I could. It makes me appreciate what I have more. BUT one the other hand...you have to pull the handle out on the drivers side to push the lock down. Things like that just give the car character. And I love it. But I am saving up for a paint job down the road...I can see some paint on the car that looks like it's about to chip, so that's a perfect excuse to get rid of the dark green that's on my car.

Also, QT is back in my life. I thought I was going to pee on the floor of QT out of sheer joy when I was checking out my 32 oz sweet tea and my two steak and cheese taquitos. AND they have styrofoam cups!!! That way QT drinks don't get water all over the place and they stay colder for longer. It's just the little things...

My dog is probably one of the favorite things about coming home. I can tell she wants to hate me because I left her for college, but she can't resist that Sarah Lovin'. I mean really, who can? (another use of sarcasm, I'm really not that full of myself) She started sleeping in my room every night, and wakes up with me every morning to follow me around while I do random things. She loves me, and she missed me, she can't hide it. But I love her just as much so it's a mutual lovin'.

I've come to the realization that I love being single. A lot. Because I'm realizing that I'm getting to the age where the next person I date could be "it"... not that I have a problem with that, I just don't even want to even think about marriage right now. I asked my dad what I would do with the car with I was done with it, and he said "Well that's up for you and your husband to decide, this car will run for a good 6 years before it dies. You can be putting the car seat of your first kid in there if you really wanted to." That was a terrifying statement. I'm a year out of high school, don't tell me that crap.

Anywho, I'm going to get ready for the day. Oh, what's that you say? It's 1:18 in the afternoon? I should have gotten up when normal people do? Well here's the thing, I've been through the most hellish 2 weeks of my life for finals, I am allowed to wake up at 11:30 and lay in bed until 1. SUCKAAAAAS.

Peace and Blessings.

M&D Shout out.

I am dedicating this blog to bragging about my parents. Because as strongly as I feel about them, I don't think they hear it enough. And I don't think they get the credit they deserve. 

Daddy.

The only think keeping us from being the exact same are our reproductive organs. And maybe a few physical features. But are personalities are almost identical. And that definitely has its pros and cons. And in high school, I was a rebellious teen.. and you were an exhausted parent that was probably tired of raising a teen and we butted heads FREQUENTLY. And by frequently, I mean daily. But as I grew older, I understood why you disciplined me differently from Robbie and Scott, and why you were so hard on me. Not only were you keeping me out of trouble, but you were keeping me out of trouble because you loved me. You cared about my successes and desired for me to learn from my failures. The more I realized this, the more we worked together on getting along. And then boom. I went to college. And I will tell you, you became someone I never expected you to be--- a softie. You're whipped from your daughter! I can tell now with the little things you do, like text me pictures of McChickens from McDonalds and talk about our Dr. Laura dates. The "I love you"'s increased drastically, and you always give me an extra hug before I leave for college. The ways you've expressed love to me during the course of my life are different, but the point I'm trying to get at is that you simply loved me. With all your heart. And I see that, I understand that, and I appreciate it more than you will ever know. I'm incredibly thankful you are not only a loving dad, but that you are a dad that's always been here. I love you, and I will always, ALWAYS be your little girl. Always.

Momma.

I think on a scale from one to ten, ten being the MOST opposite from each other, we are a solid 7. I definitely take more after dad's side, that's for sure, but there are times where I can definitely see you in the way I act. Like our INSANE love for any person under the age of 5. Or the way I laugh. Or even the things I say, and how I say them. One picture that made me laugh was that one Julie took of us in Mexico, where we were standing next to each other and we were kinda slouched over (from the overwhelming exhaustion from sawing wood like a BOSS) and we were standing the EXACT same way. But other than the few similar things, we have many opposite personality traits. I think this is why God gave me you as my mom. We balance each other out. I bet it was hard raising me because you probably had no idea how to handle a demon child, BUT neither you nor I are dead, so I think you did a decent job. :) But what matters is that you took our opposite qualities and worked with them. And you loved me with no end. You took delight in my joy, you hurt for me when I was in pain, and you shared sadness in my completely pointless petty school problems. Now that I have grown up a little bit, I respect you all the more for this. Despite the struggles we had while I was at home, you were, and will continue to be the perfect mom for me. I am so blessed to have a mom that I can be this close to.

My parents set one of the greatest examples of marriage I have literally ever seen in my 19 1/2 years of living. I have seen all different types of people, all different types of families. And I don't thank God enough for blessing me with my mom and dad.... I also don't know of any married couple besides my parents that can work together AND live together without killing each other. But it just seems like they fall in love more and more every day....You guys are my rock. I would definitely NOT be the same person at all if it weren't for the love and the guidance that you've shown me throughout the years. Even though your job of raising me is over, I hope you realize that it made a huge impact. Not only on me, but for my future family, and my walk with Christ. Also, my love for my parents cannot be contained to a simple blog post. If I could convey it any deeper, I would do it in a heart beat. But they don't have the technology for that, so I am going to call it a night. My eyes are drooping.

I love you with every fiber of my being, Mom and Dad.... I don't think I can ever thank you enough for who you are.